I’ve been sitting in meditation for at least 15 minutes a day for the past three weeks. That’s not a lot of time, and I look forward to what happens down the road.It’s been interesting what’s come up during those short visits…taking the thoughts and feelings as simply what they are, and not treating them like facts…it’s been useful.
Energy is just energy, for one thing. Another thing–none of this shit matters. None of it. Pursuing happiness, pleasure, sex, avoiding pain, avoiding suffering, the compliments, the praise, the critics, the assholes, the people who leave, the ones who stay, the ones who got away, the ones you wish would leave but don’t…the list goes on and on when you meditate…and somewhere along the way, I compared thoughts and feelings to Facebook…it’s a “news-feed”. It’s just the news of the day. And tomorrow will either be “same shit, different day” or “new shit, new day.” And then I thought, much like Peggy Lee, “Is that all there is?”
Thoughts have a pesky way of becoming things. I am not those things. I’m not what I post, or think, or feel, or believe, or receive. I’m not the compliments I get, or the praise or the judgment or criticism. I’m something else far, far greater, deeper, more vast and unique than that shallow pond stuff…and so are you.
The mind is like a Facebook news-feed…you tune into it, you say yes to it (remember that part), and it scrolls obediently, updating with more, more, more…and you scroll through and decipher what you “like” and click on it–attach to it–and you judge the posts you don’t like, or you ignore them, or you comment on them…(and by “you” I mean “all of us, collectively”)… and that becomes your mind, your day, your week, your whole fucking life–you identify with it…constantly feeding, posting, editing, judging, liking, disliking, consuming, branding, feeding, giving…and this can (and usually does) lead to stress and suffering, when you spend too much time thinking you are your mind. Newsflash–you’re NOT. Much like Facebook, if I were to ask you what you were thinking about on this day a year ago, you wouldn’t be able to tell me immediately. You’d have to “scroll through your mental timeline” and your old posts to remember, if you could remember at all…and if something super-duper negative happened on this day a year ago, I bet that would be the first thing you focused on…I know I would. Or, if something super-awesome happened, you’d remember that, too…and maybe you’d have regret either way. But remember this–you said yes to it first. Everything that’s in your life is there because you said yes to it, to some degree; that’s one of the things I admitted when I finally negotiated terms with HIV. After that, the healing began from a place of honesty and humility.
Life…real, raw life is what happens underneath, around, and spirals out from the mind chatter-news-feed-stuff. Real life will stop you in your tracks, shock and awe you, heal you, wake you up, piss you off, educate you, humble you, enlighten you, and worst and riskiest of all…it will change you. And it’s happening…right…now.
It’s recommended for the hard of heart…because it will crack your heart wide open.