Recently, in the struggle of moving from who I was to who I am becoming, the Universe took notice and became the world's biggest asshole Fitness Boot Camp coach who wanted to see just how serious I am about getting rid of my dad bod and firming up my core.
Hello. It’s me.
I have a dear friend, my first partner...the first man I was ever blessed to be in love with, and the first man I ever hurt to his core. We have, together, over the years been able to salvage from the wreckage and repair our relationship to where now it is strong, and solid, and with mutual respect and admiration. We have healed.
The Rest Is Still Unwritten.
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?Mary Oliver I hold these truths: Life's not about a single moment of great triumph, of trophies and gold stars. Life is not about getting a degree, getting a job, squirreling away …
Sex is No Longer a Tee Shirt.
I'm not the same soul I once was. A lot has changed. A lot had to change. So you shouldn't expect out of me what I embodied in the past. For that part of me no longer exists. As of 2020, I've been HIV positive now for fourteen years. I became positive through unprotected, or …
A Rhapsody In Blue.
"Okay, I've got one Tyler!" He was busy flirting with Bruce the Bartender. Bruce is female, gorgeous pixie cut, curvy blue eyes that compliment the curved, clover leaf intersections of her body, mapped by a topography of tattoos. It's also important to know that Tyler's straight, and I'm not. Tyler raised his eyebrows with"Yes?" He'd …
Beautiful Sadness.
Christmas Eve morning, I turned on Spotify. I'd heard there was a new Taylor Swift Holiday station from someone, I don't remember who. So, I figured I'd give it a try. I listened to exactly one line of Taylor's cover of "Santa Baby" before I said aloud, "No!" and opted for Mary Chapin Carpenter Holiday …
Facebook as Metaphor…
I've been sitting in meditation for at least 15 minutes a day for the past three weeks. That's not a lot of time, and I look forward to what happens down the road.It's been interesting what's come up during those short visits...taking the thoughts and feelings as simply what they are, and not treating them …
Thoughts on HIV and NC Harm Reduction Advocacy Day.
There was a sense of being "okay" that day in Raleigh. Underneath what the other advocates and I were doing, there permeated this notion that we were advocating on behalf of those who, for a myriad of reasons, were unable to travel and speak for themselves.
Awareness vs. Fixation
The difference between awareness and fixation is that fixation leads to regret, depression, anxiety, worry and dis-ease. Awareness leads to acceptance, planning, right action and compassion. Know when you’re aware of something, give it the amount of attention it requires and no more…anything more can and will often lead to fixation. Simple when you think …
Andy
Twice a week, I hang out with ex-convicts, recovering addicts, former prostitutes, homeless men and women, and the occasional drag queen. I lead two support groups at a center in Greensboro. Monday is a meditation and mindfulness group, open to HIV positive men and women. Thursday group is for HIV positive men. If I'm having a bad day, I go check in with these friends and get a sweet, gentle dose of "the real-real world". The real-real world is so much better, so much more immediate and so much more real than anything I'd ever see on Facebook, or on television. You can't make this shit up. It's too real for reality t.v., and it's more compassionate, gorgeous and messy.
