There was a sense of being "okay" that day in Raleigh. Underneath what the other advocates and I were doing, there permeated this notion that we were advocating on behalf of those who, for a myriad of reasons, were unable to travel and speak for themselves.
The difference between awareness and fixation is that fixation leads to regret, depression, anxiety, worry and dis-ease. Awareness leads to acceptance, planning, right action and compassion. Know when you’re aware of something, give it the amount of attention it requires and no more…anything more can and will often lead to fixation. Simple when you think …
Twice a week, I hang out with ex-convicts, recovering addicts, former prostitutes, homeless men and women, and the occasional drag queen. I lead two support groups at a center in Greensboro. Monday is a meditation and mindfulness group, open to HIV positive men and women. Thursday group is for HIV positive men. If I'm having a bad day, I go check in with these friends and get a sweet, gentle dose of "the real-real world". The real-real world is so much better, so much more immediate and so much more real than anything I'd ever see on Facebook, or on television. You can't make this shit up. It's too real for reality t.v., and it's more compassionate, gorgeous and messy.
After three weeks watching other boys and girls do it, I climbed the ladder, twelve feet above the blue water. 12 rungs for twelve apostles, and I mouthed the name of each in silent prayer until I reached the top. When both feet were on the white, sandpaper surface of the diving board, I whispered …
I find comfort posting to WordPress. Facebook carries a lot of noise and distraction on steroids, and it often feels like I'm in a corner waving, trying to get someone to pay attention to me there, to hear what I have to say, and then give me a thumbs up, or a pithy reply.
I love this song. There are other Christmas songs I love, and I've noticed the ones I am drawn to are infused with a sense of longing and acceptance, of joy and sadness in equal parts. It's my way. From the time I was small, there seemed to be a sense of abundance with the giving and shopping, mixed with a sense of poverty and the acknowledgment that there are those for whom the holiday is a mixed bag of coal and candy canes.
Not just recently, but all my life. From the time I was a little boy, if I could find a "something" I was passionate about--drawing pictures, building with Legos, playing the violin--I would pour 100% of my focus into it, until I became exhausted by it and ultimately, bored. I had to learn to balance the short-burning fireworks of passion with the fire-pit maintenance of pragmatism.
Dear HIV, I hope you're well. It's been awhile since I've written, and I want to take a moment to acknowledge you as we approach World AIDS Day together.
I had a dream. I was walking across the lawn of a deserted campground toward a big, handsome, bearded man sitting at a wooden picnic table, beneath an enormous pin-oak tree. I was aware that I was dreaming, and that I had "appeared" in this place. The campground seemed real, but it also seemed like a …
I like being alone. I am a "Unicorn Ambivert"...I enjoy gathering with friends, occasional humorous banter with another person in the grocery check out line, and times when I am outgoing, and there are more often times when I must unplug, disengage, detoxify and be completely by myself.