Recently, I crashed into myself. Hard. A full body resistance-to-change face plant. In the struggle of moving from who I was to who I am becoming, the Universe tends to notice and becomes the world's biggest asshole Fitness Boot Camp coach who wants to see just how serious I am about shedding those unwanted pounds and firming up my core.
Hello. It’s me.
I have a dear friend, my first partner...the first man I was ever blessed to be in love with, and the first man I ever hurt to his core. We have, together, over the years been able to salvage from the wreckage and repair our relationship to where now it is strong, and solid, and with mutual respect and admiration. We have healed.
The Black Dog
I can tell when he’s about to visit. I get away from daily meditating, writing, and working out with a sense of discipline. I always seem to falter and recede into a sadder, darker, and cynical place. What’s different this time is that I’m not staying in this place--the bottom of the well--for as long …
The Rest Is Still Unwritten.
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?Mary Oliver I hold these truths: Life's not about a single moment of great triumph, of trophies and gold stars. Life is not about getting a degree, getting a job, squirreling away …
There’s Something You Should Know.
Before you have sex, let the person you want to have sex with know you're HIV positive. Use a condom when you have sex. Don't share needles if you shoot up. Always use a clean needle, regardless of your HIV status, or clean your needle before you share it with someone else. Should be pretty …
Thoughts on AIDSWatch 2016
Hearing the stories of those affected by HIV at the plenary session in Washington, D.C. Held yearly in Washington, DC, AIDSWatch is a caucus of citizens living with or affected by HIV, assembled to discuss with elected officials the issues impacting those with HIV/AIDS. With over 300 represented from 36 states, North Carolina had the …
Sex is No Longer a Tee Shirt.
I'm not the same soul I once was. A lot has changed. A lot had to change. So you shouldn't expect out of me what I embodied in the past. For that part of me no longer exists. As of 2020, I've been HIV positive now for fourteen years. I became positive through unprotected, or …
Facebook as Metaphor…
I've been sitting in meditation for at least 15 minutes a day for the past three weeks. That's not a lot of time, and I look forward to what happens down the road.It's been interesting what's come up during those short visits...taking the thoughts and feelings as simply what they are, and not treating them …
Awareness vs. Fixation
The difference between awareness and fixation is that fixation leads to regret, depression, anxiety, worry and dis-ease. Awareness leads to acceptance, planning, right action and compassion. Know when you’re aware of something, give it the amount of attention it requires and no more…anything more can and will often lead to fixation. Simple when you think …
Andy
Twice a week, I hang out with ex-convicts, recovering addicts, former prostitutes, homeless men and women, and the occasional drag queen. I lead two support groups at a center in Greensboro. Monday is a meditation and mindfulness group, open to HIV positive men and women. Thursday group is for HIV positive men. If I'm having a bad day, I go check in with these friends and get a sweet, gentle dose of "the real-real world". The real-real world is so much better, so much more immediate and so much more real than anything I'd ever see on Facebook, or on television. You can't make this shit up. It's too real for reality t.v., and it's more compassionate, gorgeous and messy.
