I have a dear friend, my first partner...the first man I was ever blessed to be in love with, and the first man I ever hurt to his core. We have, together, over the years been able to salvage from the wreckage and repair our relationship to where now it is strong, and solid, and with mutual respect and admiration. We have healed.
The Rest Is Still Unwritten.
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?Mary Oliver I hold these truths: Life's not about a single moment of great triumph, of trophies and gold stars. Life is not about getting a degree, getting a job, squirreling away …
Sex is No Longer a Tee Shirt.
I'm not the same soul I once was. A lot has changed. A lot had to change. So you shouldn't expect out of me what I embodied in the past. For that part of me no longer exists. As of 2020, I've been HIV positive now for fourteen years. I became positive through unprotected, or …
Facebook as Metaphor…
I've been sitting in meditation for at least 15 minutes a day for the past three weeks. That's not a lot of time, and I look forward to what happens down the road.It's been interesting what's come up during those short visits...taking the thoughts and feelings as simply what they are, and not treating them …
Awareness vs. Fixation
The difference between awareness and fixation is that fixation leads to regret, depression, anxiety, worry and dis-ease. Awareness leads to acceptance, planning, right action and compassion. Know when you’re aware of something, give it the amount of attention it requires and no more…anything more can and will often lead to fixation. Simple when you think …
Andy
Twice a week, I hang out with ex-convicts, recovering addicts, former prostitutes, homeless men and women, and the occasional drag queen. I lead two support groups at a center in Greensboro. Monday is a meditation and mindfulness group, open to HIV positive men and women. Thursday group is for HIV positive men. If I'm having a bad day, I go check in with these friends and get a sweet, gentle dose of "the real-real world". The real-real world is so much better, so much more immediate and so much more real than anything I'd ever see on Facebook, or on television. You can't make this shit up. It's too real for reality t.v., and it's more compassionate, gorgeous and messy.
Walking My Talk.
In The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, the first agreement is Be Impeccable with Your Word. Words have power. They have magic in creating new ideas, setting goals, new standards, and showing ourselves and others how accountable we are. Words also have the power to wound, destroy confidence, and destroy trust and accountability. As …
It’s Coming On Christmas.
I love this song. There are other Christmas songs I love, and I've noticed the ones I am drawn to are infused with a sense of longing and acceptance, of joy and sadness in equal parts. It's my way. From the time I was small, there seemed to be a sense of abundance with the giving and shopping, mixed with a sense of poverty and the acknowledgment that there are those for whom the holiday is a mixed bag of coal and candy canes.
In Respect and Remembrance for World AIDS Day.
Dear HIV, I hope you're well. It's been awhile since I've written, and I want to take a moment to acknowledge you as we approach World AIDS Day together.
How Do I Get You Alone?
I like being alone. I am a "Unicorn Ambivert"...I enjoy gathering with friends, occasional humorous banter with another person in the grocery check out line, and times when I am outgoing, and there are more often times when I must unplug, disengage, detoxify and be completely by myself.
